Terry the Troma Teratoma

We first learned about teratomas in a big medical textbook, but it wasn’t until we saw one in person on a lovely family trip to see the the BODIES exhibit here in NY (side note in case you missed it, the BODIES exhibit was a traveling educational exhibit showing real-life-dead bodies sliced so you can see the layers of fat, eyeballs, bones etc. The bodies were rumored to have been bought by the “Artist”  on the Chinese blackmarket) when we understood just how real the teeth and hair in these little monsters
are. They literally develop full molars!

So we got to thinking. Maybe it doesn’t end there. Teeth, here, molars there,  an arm and a leg… and what do we have?? Could you develop a whole being? Immaculate conception part deux?? And Troma style?

But it doesn’t stop there.  Keith Makenas write in to tell us a little more about just how useful these little Teratomas can turn out to be if fully developed, Here’s What Keith Had to report:

My day with Terry the Teratoma.

Upon waking up I’d have my Terry start up my shower to get the water hot and then turn on the coffee maker.  In the shower Terry can use its tiny fingers to clean between my toes, get all the lint out of my belly button.  Once my coffe eis  ready I used to prefer low fat milk, but now with Terry around I can get my coffee spiced up with some cysts fluid and the best part is that it’s fat free.

Terry fits perfectly in my briefcase and as long as I have a bag of fruit snacks, it’s very quiet on the bus ride to work.   Terry’s better than a Sham Wow and does a great job absorbing the urine on the bus seat and keeping the peddlers away from me while I read the paper.

At the office Terry with a set of little binoculars is the best at keeping a watch out for my superiors and minimizing any extreme porn that I’m viewing.   Prior to Terry I’d wait in long lines to get lunch, but not anymore.  Terry goes up the line spewing on the people clearing the path for me so I can get my food quicker than ever.  Terry also goes from table to table to find a full salt shaker and ketchup bottle.

On Friday’s Terry will make sure no superiors approach me asking me to work the weekend. Terry will pull fire alarms, set off sprinkler systems, push file cabinets, water coolers, copy machines, whatever it takes to keep them from getting to my desk.


3 thoughts on “Terry the Troma Teratoma

  1. Rather than have Terry the Teratoma work as hard as your average
    Haitian immigrant, I’d just have him act as an investigative reporter
    for the New York Times – utilizing his unique size to slip unseen into the headquarters of Tea Party candidates. From there, he would report on
    the nefarious goings-on – his weekly column titled, ‘Terry’s Tea-Time’.

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