Alex Faber sends in very helpful constructive feedback on our first installment of MONSTERS AND DAUGHTERS:
This is a strong chapter right off the bat! The structure of having it bookended by the production of Poultrygeist gives it a sense of cohesion and throws us into the Tromaverse right away, and you do a really effective job of communicating how you have one high heel in Wall Street and a flip-flop in Lloyd’s world of B-grade horror/comedy, not only in detailing both but the language you use in describing your Dad’s movies.
Here are my notes: I wouldn’t call “Poltergeist” a zombie movie. In Par. 6, I didn’t get this line: “a gym I’d rather be caught dead in than sweating on the treadmill next to my MD.” I kind of get the intent, but the comedy is muffled because I just honestly found it confusing.
I think you meant “GDP” instead of “GPD.” I’d also like to see the paragraphs devoted to your mother moved up near the start of the chapter, as giving her time about 3/4 through and after everyone else has been established makes her seem out of place in the chapter.
Finally, your epiphany is amusing, but you give it too little time – I think it’s essential to your character and intent to write this, but as it’s written now, you don’t really explain what about it was revelatory to you.
Overall though, it’s great to hear an insider’s story of Troma, and your personality comes across very strongly here, which makes this a doubly rewarding read!
Alex, Thank you for this excellent critique. We are hard at work making revisions thanks to your insightful feedback! We’ll post the edits shortly so you can see the changes we made thanks to your input.